What if your biggest struggle is just a little discomfort?

I am good in crises. I really suck at the every day little tasks and that's what God has been nudging me to hand over.

1 Peter 4:7-11

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies -- in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. 

My evening time is eating and drinking and checking out and this is a pattern that started really young for me. Maybe it's the energy expenditure introverts put out in the world and the need to recharge, maybe it was a physical way to cope with hurt and trauma, but now, it's become a real problem. I'm 41 and I have an actual block when it comes to humaning from 4:30-9. What on earth?!! I need to sit in that discomfort and then live in God's grace and strength. 

How?

I don't know because I keep avoiding doing it or I stuff it with something else. Food! A show! A game! A book! Yoga! Running! Lots of these activities aren't bad, but the way I'm using them is actually just a buffer, not a solution and it's something I can't kick. 

My counsellor, Carol, says that I need to stay in the discomfort and then shift. Learn to adapt. I need to accept that this is how I feel at this time and adapt how I do things to stay present. Can I welcome this frustration and tiredness? I need to welcome it, breathe and feel the feelings.

She asked me if can I sacrifice my entitlement over this time? 

So far no. I can't. So how do I do it?

Here are the steps I'm going to try. 

1. Think about Jesus' humanity. How does his ability to empathize with my struggles encourage me to turn to him for comfort and help? 

2. Ask myself: What does it look like for me to sacrifice myself for others in little ways every day?

Whom in my sphere of influence can I lift up by humbling myself?

For me this is daily surrender to the Spirit which is EASY in the morning and really hard at this time. It's not what God will do with my life. It's what is God asking me to do today, this hour, this minute. I need to learn to have a daily response. How do I sacrifice to God? How do I live in this time in His Spirit so that it's evident that it is God, not me. It's actually not about me. It's about His strength so I can glorify Him at this time.

So I wrote this post to read every day at itchy o'clock, when I start wanting to crawl up the walls and close the door. Jesus, let me be here in your Spirit in this discomfort. Direct my next step. Direct my thoughts. Direct my actions. Let me be a sacrifice and a blessing for my family just right now, today.

Amen.