Wednesday, 2 January 2019

On anxiety and accomplishments

Sometimes I start thinking I'm really nailing this whole life business.

I get the kids to school on time, I eat salads, I work out, I say nice things to my husband and then I'm like, that was an awesome 46 minutes. 

Anyone else? Am I alone on the consistency thing? 

Since having my second daughter, I've been dealing with a lurking ninja sneak attack enemy named anxiety. Here's what happens: Along I go, feeling fine and dandy and loving my life and then BAM. Everything is overwhelming. Everything is hard. Everyone is against me. I feel like simple life moments like hanging out with my kids is going to make me stop breathing. It's terrible. It isn't worry. It isn't a specific problem or stress. It's anxiety.

I don't have any answers on the anxiety front. I know that I do a lot better when I get enough sleep, eat less junk and space out my heavy duty social interactions, but sometimes it just up and smacks me sideways.

One thing that helps is knowing the truth. Anxiety says, "You won't make it till tomorrow. Your chest is going to explode. Everything is terrible. You can't function or do normal things."

Truth says, "I am loved. I am valuable. This will pass."

And sometimes I need that reminder. I need to be physically reminded of my need for God. Of my need for my family. For my friends. I need to remember that I don't do this life thing on my own strength. Everytime I believe I can, it's a depressing and fruitless path.

When I place my identity firmly in who I am in Christ, then He is glorified, not me. My failures are covered by His love and my successes are shared. It's a relief.

Instead of striving, I can rest in Him and what he has called me to do.... which is pretty simple really: to remain in Him. To tell others about Him. To do what He asks as we go. One day at a time. One new morning at a time.

Take these hands, I know they're empty but with you they can be used for beauty in your perfect plan.
Take these feet, I know they stumble but you use the weak. You use the humble so please use me.

All I am is yours. 

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