Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Don't Get it Twisted



I took a social media break lately. It was good, it was quiet, it was a little bit lonely (read about it here). To sum up the experience, I ended up romanticizing the break into a "stop scrolling and start living" message.  

And that's lovely. 


I was less distracted by my phone and I set up much needed boundaries around my online time. But here's the thing:  

My social media break didn't do what I needed it to do. 

So annoying.

This break was supposed to help me stay clear headed and energized.
To lose 10 pounds.
To attempt those Pinterest crafts with my three-year-old.
To be kinder to my husband.
To be patient with my kids.
To snack less.
To read more.
To write better.
To think deeper.

Maybe I vested too much into this experiment, but am I alone in this? 
Do you ever feel like you're searching and searching for the "fix"? The answer? The solution to all of these nagging imperfections?

I do and I get it twisted.

I know deep down that there isn't any diet, fast or plan that will solve the ache I feel. The 'not-enough'ness. The discontent. 

The wise Aimee (check out her blog MamaCentric) said this today and I had to come back to this post to add her perfectly chosen words: 

We think we can distract, distract, distract ourselves from facing our complicated souls, until they expand to be so big and noisy and provocative that we can ignore ourselves no longer. 

Sit with your soul today. 

Read her full post on her Instagram feed here.

I cling to the work and worry of distractions instead of sitting still. It's not just the clamour of social media. I can fill the quiet with anything. I'm a master of distraction. I make a lot of noise to avoid the quiet.

My daughter Gabby is 21 months old (that's like, almost 2 years old, non-parents). She is a heart stealing, charming disaster.


Accurate.

Gabby will fight me tooth and nail, refusing to put on the jacket which will allow her to do her favourite thing: go outside. She will kick and scream her rage as I carry her across a busy road instead of allowing her to toddle happily into oncoming traffic. 

I'm so sick of being a spiritual toddler. Of tantruming on the floor instead of quietly listening to an ever-loving father. Of pouting in the corner instead of embracing the gifts He's patiently waiting to hand out.

I get it twisted. I avoid our relationship instead of trusting that He is big enough to embrace and to change whatever I find in myself that is lacking, that is weak, that is wrong. I forget that in letting go and in confession, there is freedom. I forget that in handing over my weakness, there is strength.

Instead of resting in His hands, my value secure and whole because the truth says so, I'm driven by the fluctuations of my feelings. I parcel out my worth. I dole out value to my bathroom scale or to another's image of perfection or even in the reaction to my own work. I get it twisted. 

So while I'm going to be a little less active on social media, I need you to know that it's not changing my life and it's not a five-point plan. In fact, the only peace I have ever found has nothing to do with what I'm doing but in whom I'm resting. 

I am no shining example of Christianity so please don't follow my lead, but I do invite you to get to know this Jesus. He already knows every thing about you and exactly what your heart is craving. He came to give you something bigger than your own plan: His peace, His power, His presence, His purpose.

I'll be over here reminding myself of exactly that. 





Click here to read another post on Abbie's social media hiatus, Life Outside the Little Squares

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