Thursday, 30 November 2017

Christmas Gift Guide for Toddlers: 10 Ways to Torture Parents this Holiday Season

Is there an insufferable parent in your life?
Have you unfollowed their intolerable Facebook feed only to be added to a photo-stream of toddler pictures? 

Are you subjected to their lamenting of lack of sleep and mini-meltdowns? Their incessant whining about the destruction of their property?

Get ready to wreak revenge on these offensive adults WHILE claiming favourite grown-up status with a toddler you don't have to deal with at four o'clock (AM or PM).

Have I got a list for you...

1. Battery-Operated Toys.

AA is fine but if you can find a toy that takes some sort of obscure round flat watch battery, even better.
sad oprah winfrey GIF
Via Giphy
Extra points if the batteries aren't included.

2. Anything with Many Pieces.

Via @GenuinelyJoe on Twitter
There are two things that may happen here: 

a. This will immediately become a favourite and one of the pieces will ALWAYS be lost. Extra points if you stash a few key components under a couch cushion before you leave... 


b. This will take half the life of the parents to construct and by then, the child will have moved on.  

Source Unknown

3. Toys with Lights and Music.

The louder and brighter the better. 

Via @SnarkyBreeders on Instagram

Think seizure inducing. Off button not necessary.

4. Magnetic sound puzzles.

Until you've heard a Melissa and Doug chicken cackle from the barnyard wooden puzzle from an undisclosed location in your home at midnight...

looking Did you hear that GIF
Via Giphy

... you're not going to understand the depth of this revenge.

5.  A board game.
Via Rambin' Mama on Instagram

So. Many. Pieces. 
So. Many. Explanations.
So. Many. Hours. Of. Life.
Via @cray_at_home_ma on Twitter

6. One gift of any kind for two kids.

The sharing lasts for two minutes but the arguments last a lifetime. 

7. Two different gifts of any kind for two kids. 
Via Old Kids Books on Instagram

Commence operation "I like yours more. No it's mine."

8. The same gift with one visible difference for two kids.


sad the help GIF
Via Giphy


9. A Craft.
Source Unknown

Glitter, glue and slime are the trifecta of Parenting Hades. In fact, hot tip...

Via Rambin' Mama on Instagram

 Last but not least, why not buy that toddler...

10. Exactly what the child asked for. 

By now, what they want will have changed and they will be unreasonably upset by your effort. Fickle little rascals.

angry look whos talking now GIF
Via Giphy

And here's a bonus suggestion because I'm feeling generous. Just remember, "When in doubt, add candy"... but maybe one less piece for the kid that can count. That'll do it. 

Happy holidays!! 

What did I miss? What would you add to this list? 

Why not share this with your toddler raising friends...

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